“If You Gotta Say “Don’t Tell Nobody’…Don’t Tell Me”

I am what my daughters lovingly call an introvert-ambivert. And honestly? They’re not wrong. I genuinely enjoy my own company-my peace is my favorite place to be. My people-battery, however has a very short lifespan. It drains quickly, and once it’s low, I’m mentally clocked out….even if I’m still standing there nodding.

Now don’t get me wrong-I like a little socializing. A sprinkle. A light seasoning. But there’s one thing that will make me shut down almost instantly- when someone approaches me-usually an acquaintance-and opens with, “Don’t tell anyone I said this…”

Sweetie.

Let’s pause right there.

Two things: First, you mistook me for a trash can. Second, I’m not about to carry anything you just said once we part ways.

Why?

Because of reason number one.

I work too hard to protect my peace to let someone casually dump secrets, drama, and emotional clutter on me like I signed up for it. If you’re that worried about it getting out….here’s a thought-keep it to yourself?

And Chile,…one thing my girls know about me? No sooner than you leave my presence, I’ve already forgotten half of what you said, and moved on to something else. So Lord knows if I tried to recall and retell it, it wouldn’t even be facts-I’d mess up the entire narrative.

So again…I am not your person for confidential storytelling. Not everything needs an audience. And I am not your emergency outlet.

I can count my close friends on one hand-and that’s by design. Because anything more than that starts to feel like emotional overload. Too many energies, too many expectations, too much to manage. That’s not community-that’s exhaustion.

So here’s my advice-find your people. A small, trusted circle. The ones who have proven they can hold space for you without draining you or broadcasting your business. Pour into them.

Stop unloading on random people just because you need relief. Everyone is not equipped-or willing-to carry what you are trying to hand off.

And that brings me to something else…

Some people aren’t good at reading the room.

I am.

So let me tell you-that didn’t come naturally. That came from experience…and a few too many moments of realizing I was talking way past people’s emotional capacity.

Years ago when I would start sharing about my divorce struggles, I began to notice the shift. Not always in words-but in energy. The polite nods that lingered a little too long. The silence that wasn’t supportive-it was survival. The looks that said, “Girl….not again.”

I could practically hear the internal sighs: “Lord, here she goes…”

And instead of getting offended, I got aware.

Because the truth is-people weren’t necessarily being mean. They were overwhelmed. Some didn’t know what to say. Others were quietly trying not to get pulled into something complicated. And a few? They just didn’t have the capacity.

And that was my turning point.

Everybody is not built to hold your personal life. Everybody is not assigned to process your emotions. And everybody is definitely not your safe space.

And that’s not rejection-that’s information.

Reading the room is an essential life skill. It’s discernment. It’s knowing when to speak, what to share, and-just as important-who to share it with.

Because over sharing in the wrong space doesn’t just drain them- it drains you too

So I adjusted.

I stopped handing out pieces of my life to people who didn’t have the capacity-or the clearance-to carry it. I became intentional about my circle. Smaller. Safer. Wiser. Now? If I sense even a hint of “this ain’t the place,” I pivot gracefully and keep it moving.

No hard feelings. Just better boundaries. Because protecting your peace isn’t just a preference-it’s a responsibility.

And reading the room?

That’s wisdom …with a little sass.