Before You Say “I Do”: A Gentle Truth About Love

Author’s Note: In the spirit of Valentine’s Day I’m telling on myself by sharing a few dating missteps and a lesson from marriage. Because, baby, the wedding is just a day, it’s the lifetime afterward that deserves real preparation.

Many women dream of marriage long before love takes its full shape.
There is nothing wrong with that longing — it is tender, ancient, and deeply human.
But somewhere between choosing the dress and picking the flowers,
the soft glitter of wedding planning can drown out the deeper truth
of what marriage quietly asks of us.

We imagine the fairytale.
We picture mornings bathed in honey-gold sunlight,
waking up flawless and adored,
with breakfast arriving on a tray crowned with a single perfect rose.
We see our lives like scenes from a movie —
edited, polished, beautifully choreographed.

But real marriage…
real marriage is made from the slow, steady weaving of two souls
who are both changing, stretching, unraveling, becoming —
often at different times, in different seasons,
in different ways.

One may grow toward the light
while the other is still learning how to root.
And in that uneven becoming, friction can bloom.
Not because love is broken,
but because love is alive —
and anything alive must grow.

Marriage is not simply a joining;
it is a constant re-meeting of each other,
again and again,
as the years unfold who you both are.

Before vows are whispered,
there must be conversations — real ones:
about money,
about dreams,
about values,
about the futures you each imagine
and whether those futures can walk together without one shrinking to keep the peace.

I speak from the quiet ache of experience.
At nineteen, I walked into marriage with more love than wisdom,
more hope than understanding.
We never talked about how we viewed money,
how we would raise children,
whether I would return to school,
or how our separate dreams would fit inside one shared life.
Over time, I grew in directions my former spouse could not follow,
and the distance between us widened into a life that no longer fit.

Not because marriage is flawed —
but because marriage requires truth, communication, and courage
long before the wedding march begins.

So before you float down the aisle in a cloud of fairy dust,
take a breath.
Sit down.
Talk deeply.
Tell the truth.
Ask the questions.
Listen to the answers.

Because love is sacred —
but even sacred things need tending.

Mama Wisdom

“Baby, a wedding lasts a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime.
Make sure you’re preparing for the lifetime — not just the day.”